Simulated Wedding Cake: Great Idea?

Whether or not Marie Antoinette ever instructed the French people to eat cake has been questioned down through history since the day the poor royal lost her head, but let’s face it. Cake is cake and what would a special occasion such as a wedding be without it?

Motorized Picnic Table: Great Idea?

The world’s first Motorized Picnic Table , aka Patent #663734 , has a stated purpose. According to the inventor, “It’s meant for transporting picnic-goers and the table simultaneously to a desired picnic location or for picnicking while in transport.”   So forget about finding that shady spot under that lovely tree and relaxing under a beautiful blue sky.

Life Expectancy Timepiece: Great Idea?

Issued in the summer of 1991, Patent #5,031,161, the Lifetime Expectancy Timepiece consists of a starting mechanism for causing the timer to begin measuring the elapsed time from the moment of birth and includes a processor programmed to measure it. Seeming truly like an overlooked plot straight out of The Twilight Zone, this Life Expectancy Timepiece has always had a questionable market value.

Anti-Eating Face Mask: Great idea?

US Patent #4344424 , the Anti-Eating Face Mask , has been around for a few decades, but there can be little doubt that it is just as silly today as it was when the original patent was issued to a woman from Sacramento (whose name is being withheld to protect the silly).

Odors to Treat Male Impotence: Great idea?

US Patent # 5,885,614 provides an olfactory experience known as Odors to Treat Male Impotence . The patent is based on the principle that smelling Certain combinations of odors will effectively increase blood flow in certain parts of the male anatomy.

Simulating a High Five Machine: Great idea?

Is there anyone out there who isn’t familiar with the high five celebratory gesture made by two people, each raising one hand to slap the raised hand of the other? Its dates back to 1944 when in the movie, Cover Girl (1944), Phil Silvers’ character, Genius, tears up a telegram and attempts to "high five" co-star, Gene Kelly. The “high five” is conventionally meant to communicate mutual satisfaction to spectators or to extend congratulations from one person to another.

Russian Urine Exported to America: New, Improved Product?

The website selling the urine ( http://urina-ru.narod.ru/ click on English translation) has a massive slogan that in English reads: “Russian Urine Against Doctor’s Scalpel,” which in the Russian language comes out in rhyme. They have been in operation since 2000, spreading joy and doing well by carefully selecting candidates so that buyers can be absolutely assured that they are receiving 100% Russian urine! (It is not known if these people have a side business, which entails selling snow to Eskimos, but perhaps the truth is now out.)     In all seriousness, candidates who wish to be considered donors must pass a genetic examination, a family tree check through the state archives and numerous interviews and consultations with the psychologist in charge